Divorce is life changing and it can rock your sense of safety, identity, and reality. No one tells you that divorce is very much like grieving the death of a loved one.

In this section we will explore the grief and the varying emotions that often accompany the dissolution of a marriage or relationship and some concrete action steps that you can take to deal with those feelings and help use them to fuel your healing.

Feel Your Feelings

During divorce, you may experience a roller coaster of feelings, ranging from grief to relief. These feelings are completely normal, but they will be overwhelming. In this section we will explore some of the emotions you might experience and some strategies to cope with them. As you go through the course, you will be given exercises to help you identify common feelings and emotions that you can expect, you will find out what purpose each feeling serves, and you will be given some action steps to take to help you cope with these feelings. Some of the emotions that we will highlight are:

GRIEF

When you go through divorce, you will experience the stages of grief in much the same way as you would experience death. The challenging thing about this type of grief is that you are grieving the loss of a person that is still alive. You will grieve the loss of who you thought was your lifetime person, the loss of your marriage and what you thought life was going to be like, your dreams, and even yourself. A great deal of the emotions that you experience in divorce can be linked to grief.

OVERWHELM

You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel overwhelmed-mentally, physically, and emotionally during divorce. There is a lot of information to process and you are essentially rebuilding your life financially and emotionally. There are the logistics of finances, moving, coparenting. In many cases, you will be going from two incomes to one, you may be required to go back into the workforce if you were able to stay home, you may need to supplement income and figure out ways to make ends meet. Then there’s ALL OF THE PAPERWORK. Name changes, new bank accounts, taking your ex’s name off of various accounts, submitting divorce papers, changing your driver’s license, insurance, bills, etc. It’s a LOT. All of this while you’re also experiencing every single human emotion every to exist on any given day. I am here to tell you, it does get better and there are strategies that I will give you to help with this overwhelming feeling. 

GUILT

No matter how your divorce ended, guilt will probably come up. You may feel a sense of failure-even if the divorce was not what you wanted. You will feel guilty for your children. If you were the person that chose to leave, you may feel guilt for that. Even if you weren’t, guilt is sneaky and will usually find a way to creep in. You may feel a sense of relief and a weight lifted. Dare I say, you may even find moments of HAPPINESS and freedom. And you may feel guilty for that, too. 

LONELINESS

Even in a crowd of people, you may find that you feel a deep sense of loneliness. You had a partner-someone to wake up with, make decisions with, and just do life with. Now you don’t. If you are sharing custody, when your kids are gone, you may feel more alone than you have ever felt in your life. You might feel like no one else in the world can understand what you are going through. When you are around other married couples, you will probably experience some loneliness because you no longer have that partner to do life with. It’s all on you now, even when you have an amazing support system. This feeling is normal, and there are ways to cope with it when it comes up. 

ANGER AND BITTERNESS

Oh, this is a big one. Especially if the divorce was not wanted or if you were betrayed. You will feel intense anger and rage. You will probably feel left behind if your ex moves on quickly with someone else. You might ask yourself how it is fair that they caused all of the destruction and you are left to deal with the consequences while they move on with seemingly no remorse or responsibility. Anger is perfectly normal. It is only natural to feel anger and bitterness when you feel completely out of control of your life. While normal, you don’t want to let it take over your life, because then it is your life that gets poisoned and your joy that is stolen. I found several ways to help cope with these feelings, during my divorce. 

FEELING STUCK OR PARALYZED

After the intensity dies down, it is common to feel lost. Your sense of identity and safety has been shaken. You may be paralyzed by overwhelm and not sure how to move forward. You might feel like you don’t know who you are anymore or what your purpose is. You don’t know what to do from here. You might feel stuck in fear. 

These are just a few that we will explore. Divorce comes with a rollercoaster of emotions and my hope is that learning more about them will help you navigate this difficult time with more ease.